Re Adaptation By: Ali Nabawy Alynabawy@Hotmail.Com http://wwwsevenart.blogspot.com/ analazyz@yahoo.com
I don't know why. I've always been big on happy endings.
To me, the most romantic, beautiful love stories...
...were the ones where two people meet, fall in love...
...then 50, 60 years later one of them dies.
A few days after, the other one dies...
...because they just can't live without each other.
Not that that's such a happy ending. You got two dead people.
That's how I thought things would be for Katie and me.
Not that we'd be dead, but that we would be together forever.
BEN: Now, High/Low. Who wants to go first? Erin?
ERIN: Okay, my high today is that I sat next to Austin Butler at lunch.
-Nice. -He has the three-legged dog?
Joel has the three-legged dog. Austin has the snoring turtle.
And your low?
-Camp. KATIE: What about camp?
I don't know.
You had such a good time last year.
-I know. KATIE: What is it?
Are you afraid you'll lose touch with Austin?
-I don't know. BEN: You can write to each other.
You can put X's and O's on there. Guys love that, right?
Can't get enough of it.
Honey, you'll have a great time.
What about you? What was your high today?
Gary Ellis' mom bought a new juicer...
...and I went to his house and drank a chicken.
And your low?
I don't have a low.
You gotta have a low.
I've been racking my brain. I do not have a low.
We'll enter the chicken smoothie in the high and low category.
How about you, Mama?
ERIN: I know. It's your anniversary. What are you guys doing tomorrow?
-I'm taking her to a romantic dinner... -Dad's taking me dancing.
...and possibly some dancing.
KATIE: But you're right. That is our high.
JOSH: I'd love to stick around for your low...
...but Dodgers are playing Giants.
Go.
-Can I go too? -Go.
I really don't care what we do tomorrow night.
Even if we're at different restaurants.
Just as long as the kids see us leaving together and coming home together.
KATIE: On our first anniversary, I gave Ben a plastic spoon.
You know, the takeout kind from a Chinese restaurant?
It was the one we had used...
...when we shared our first bowl of won ton soup in the park.
He was afraid he'd lost it...
...and I remember how his face lit up...
...when he opened the jewelry box I had wrapped it in.
I keep asking myself:
"When is that moment in a marriage...
...when a spoon becomes just a spoon?"
BEN: When I met Katie, I wrote on a comedy show...
...and she had been hired as a temp.
I don 't know. It's hard to explain. There was an instant connection...
... this simpatico. I felt like she just got me.
And there is no greater feeling in this world than to feel gotten.
KATIE: The loudest silences are the ones...
...filled with everything that's been said...
...said wrong, said 300 times.
You're not hearing me.
You're so goddamn critical!
It's hard with two kids. I don't need a third.
You're perfect, and I've done nothing right in 15 years!
You're not listening!
You can't let go of anything!
You never listen!
You hold on to every thing!
Why should you be responsible for anything?!
You're critical of every fucking thing!
I take care of everything here.
-Fine! -Fine!
KATIE: Until fighting becomes the condition rather than the exception.
And suddenly, it turns into the language of the relationship...
...and your only option is a silent retreat to neutral corners.
KATIE: Okay, are you a person? JOSH: Yes.
Are you a man?
-That's debatable. -Debatable?
-Do you have a mustache? -A thick one.
-Aunt Rose. -Right.
Good old Aunt "5:00 Shadow" Rose.
KATIE: God, it's almost 9. We're gonna miss the camp bus.
BEN: Now, that is what I call a mobile home.
Can you get around it? It's 5 to 9!
-They must change their zip code a lot. -It happens as we speak.
BEN: Look. 91604. 91604.
91605!
-Pass it. -Their mailman must go crazy.
KATIE: The kids will miss their bus.
Up on the second floor! Somebody's about to use the bathroom!
We're in the line of fire!
Would you just pass the goddamn house?!
Look, the house is making a right.
KATIE: When I was in college, we had to write a term paper.
It was for some philosophy course I was taking...
...on any book we considered...
...to be the one that best depicted how we viewed the world.
I remember some people picking books by the great thinkers...
...like Kierkegaard and Plato. Some kids chose the Bible.
I did my paper on Harold and the Purple Crayon.
It's a small book about a little boy...
...who draws the world the way he wants it to be...
...with his magic crayon.
And I just loved that book because...
...it was about everything that I wasn't.
BEN: You wanna write crossword puzzles?
That's a job somebody wants to do?
-Yes. -And you'd get paid to do this?
So you know stuff like Ra is the sun god.
And the symbol for radium and the abbreviation for regular army.
Should I be impressed or terrified?
I find it soothing and reassuring...
...because you know there are always answers.
Yeah, but not to the really big questions like:
"Does God exist?" "What is the meaning of life?"
"Why does my pee smell funny when I eat asparagus?"
Aspartic acid, hence the name.
And this soothes you?
Yes, since you'll never find the answers to the big questions...
...there's a comfort in finding the answers to the little ones.
When you finish, there's this...
...wonderful sense of closure, knowing...
...that that little world on that half-page is complete.
You left yourself wide open.
Come to Papa!
KATIE: But the problem in a marriage is...
...if one person is always Harold, drawing the world the way they want...
...the other person has no choice but to draw it the way it is.
Which is why they never wrote a book about Harold's wife.
-They're leaving! -They're not!
(HONKS HORN)
Grab your bags!
KATIE: Wait! Wait!
Hold it!
Two more coming!
-Thank you, Marty. -No problem.
KATIE: I love you. Have a great time.
BEN: All right, kid. JOSH: Bye, Dad.
BEN: Take your sister's bag. KATIE: Have a great time.
Love you.
ERIN: I love you. KATIE: I love you.
-Bye. -Bye, honey.
Okay.
If you need me for anything, I'll be at the Oceana.
Anything comes up with the kids, give me a call.
Of course.
Isn't this the moment where one of us says:
"This is ridiculous. We love each other.
All couples go through this. Let's give it another try"?
My ass was on television this morning.
What are you telling us?
I'm telling you, my ass was on TV.
That's right. That was that special.
"The Kennedy Center Salutes 50 Years of Stan's Ass."
I went to the doctor, he took a tube with a little camera on it...
...stuck it up my ass and we watched it on a monitor in his office.
-You had a sigmoidoscopy. -Exactly.
That's different than your ass being on TV.
-How? BEN: First of all...
...a network can't cancel your ass.
Point well taken.
What demographics do you hope to knock down...
...with that big crack winking at you?
We're in public. Can we elevate the level of conversation?
-Fine with me. -Good.
I jerked off to your secretary. Do you mind?
-Why should I mind? DAVE: I don't know.
I wanna forge ahead with a clear conscience.
Pound away.
You're a good friend.
Larry wanted to have sex last night. He even gave me the 30-second massage.
You mean the "I really care that you had a bad day" back rub...
...that stops just before you relax...
...then quickly heads south towards the promised land?
So did you make love?
-I was too tired. RACHEL: How'd you get out of it?
I pretended to fall asleep during the massage.
I did that heavy breathing thing.
So he thinks you're in deep REM?
But it backfired because when I really fell asleep...
...the baby started crying, then Larry pretended he was asleep.
Fool! If he had just gotten up with the baby, you would've...
...opened the gates and welcomed the troops home for Christmas.
LIZA: In a heartbeat.
STAN: What's up with you and Charlene?
DAVE: Oh, we had a great night last night.
And you still claim you're not cheating?
I maintain that with every fiber of my being.
On-line sex isn't cheating.
How do you figure?
It's 3 a.m., your wife and kids are sleeping upstairs...
...and you're downstairs fucking some bimbo in cyberspace.
First of all, we're not fucking. We're typing.
Second, and this is me taking umbrage...
...Charlene is not some bimbo.
She's a stockbroker named Ralph...
...pretending to be some bimbo named Charlene.
Why piss on something so beautiful?
What'd I say?
It's not an affair.
Teresa never had sex with him. They just kissed.
-A kiss is an affair. -You think so?
Absolutely.
Once you establish anything truly intimate with another person...
...even talking...
...it affects the person you're the most intimate with.
But Teresa could fuck her husband, she just couldn't kiss him.
I mean, really kiss him.
It's not so crazy.
Sometimes I'm so angry at Stan, I could fuck him...
...but I don't want that cow tongue near me.
A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex.
Why is that?
Because fucking means "Yeah, I love you." But a kiss....
A kiss means "I like you."
LIZA: That's so right.
I haven't made out, I mean, really made out with Larry for years.
Doesn't that make you sad?
Not really.
Why?
I don't know.
Because it's inevitable. It's the wear and tear of the job.
The diapers, the tantrums, the homework.
The kingdom, species, your mom, his mom.
Suddenly, all you're aware of is, the wet towels on the floor...
...he hogs the remote, and he scratches his back with a fork.
And you come face to face with the truth that it's impossible...
...to kiss a person who leaves the new roll of toilet paper...
...on top of the empty cardboard roll!
God forbid he takes the two seconds to actually replace it!
Does he not see it?!
I'm telling you, marriage is the Jack Kevorkian of romance.
KATIE: Oh, God!
Jesus! Shit!
ERIN: He hit me! JOSH: I didn't!
I was leaving the room, she stood in my way.
-He did it on purpose. -Guys, hold on!
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
Ben? What?!
Katie, you won't believe what I'm standing in front of.
They're tearing down our old apartment.
-What? -See?!
Josh, did you hit her?
She started it!
I told her never to come in my room without asking.
It's heading for Mrs. Gutierrez's.
There goes her window!
You borrowed her Discman without asking?!
Yeah, but she was done with it.
She hasn't used the Discman in two days!
Just hit Jack Roikman's place. Remember his patriotic orgasms?
"God bless America! God bless America! Land that I love!"
Can't you let him use yours?
No! He never lets me use it!
Ben, I can't talk right now.
This is where you and I started. This is where we became an "us."
Just hit where we used to measure the kids' heights.
Ben, I-- Josh, you shouldn't have hit your sister. No TV for a week.
You're so unfair!
Wait until I tell Dad!
Jesus Christ! I gotta go! Are you okay?
Katie!
Goddamn it!
STAN: Fantasizing isn't cheating?
DAVE: Oh, please! Who is getting hurt?
Yesterday, I met this stunning blond woman...
...at the Beverly Center food court.
She had a little ring in the bellybutton.
But you know what?
I forgave her because it wasn't in her eyebrow or tongue.
Beautiful. We start chatting...
...and we strike up a conversation, waiting for our turkey.
I'm telling you, she's smiling, I'm smiling...
...and just that 30-second encounter...
...will do wonders for me when I'm shaking hands with the sheriff.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
-Am I wrong? -No, you're right!
The other day, I told a joke to this intriguing woman...
...that I met at the cleaners.
If this were the '30s, she'd be a Communist...
...or at least a Communist sympathizer.
But the point is, the way she laughed at that joke...
...reminded me of how Rachel used to laugh at my jokes.
DAVE: You gonna follow up?
I could never do that.
I think the Ten Commandments were probably a lot easier to stick to...
...when you dropped dead at 35.
I mean, we-- They should be amended.
A little amendment, like the Constitution.
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, wife or ass.
But if you have to covet your neighbor's wife's ass...
...don't do it in thy neighbor's house."
A simple amendment, two-thirds majority, slide through both Houses.
Seriously, name me one guy you know who's never cheated on his wife.
I wasn't cheating!
I walk into your office, and I hear you telling some Sara...
...intimate details about our relationship, about our problems.
Obviously there's something going on between you and her.
Nothing is going on between us! We were just talking!
About us?! About our life?!
We were just talking!
That's not talking! That's a relationship!
Why didn't you tell me about her if there's nothing to hide?
I just needed somebody to talk to!
Bullshit! Why didn't you talk to me?!
JOSH: Mommy, I need a drink of water!
I'll be right there!
You wanna know why I don't talk to you?
You treat me like I'm a big pain in the ass that gets in the way...
...of what otherwise would be a normal, organized life!
Have you ever thought that everything isn't always about you?
Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing with 5000 things all day long!
Maybe every need you have doesn't have to be met...
...at the exact moment you need it to be met!
God, we have actual kids here, Ben.
I am not a third child!
I am not talking about having each of my needs met!
I'm talking about a connection!
A look! Something that says that we're on the same side here!
Why don't you talk to your girlfriend?
I'm sure she can help us get back on the same side.
To have a happy marriage is to accept the chasm between men and women.
Which is?
He can mend a fight with sex.
She can't have sex until the fight's resolved.
Why is that?
It's the difference between the penis and the vagina.
A penis is a thruster, a battering ram, if you will.
Even if it's mad, it can ram. Sometimes it even helps.
It's the "mad-ram principle." However, the vagina....
The vagina!
The vagina has to be relaxed in order to open and receive.
It can't be a gracious hostess in a state of anger.
That goes for blowjobs and kissing too.
Every female point of entry needs to know that the penis is coming...
...in peace.
-Do you have Sweet'N Low? WAITER: Is Equal okay?
RACHEL: Whatever.
BEN: I've always felt no matter what we were going through...
...no matter how painful things got...
...if our feet found each other under the blankets...
...even just the slightest connection...
...it'd tell us we'd entered the demilitarized zone...
... that we were gonna be okay, that we were still an "us."
There are some hurts that you never completely get over.
And you think that time will diminish their presence...
...and to a degree it does...
...but it still hurts because, well...
...hurt hurts.
FEMALE HOSTESS ON TV: If you lose your room key...
...contact the front desk.
And if you've got valuables, keep them in the hotel safe.
It's complimentary.
For family dining, how about a pizza poolside...
...from our Wolfgang Puck Café?
Then it's a quick walk to the Santa Monica Pier and beach.
When the kids are acting up, the waves will set them straight.
The Patriot is proof positive...
... that missile defense works.
As we've been taught by Saddam Hussein...
Something about how that man says "Saddam" makes me want you even more.
Oh, my God!
-The tooth fairy. -Where?
Josh's tooth. We forgot to put money under his pillow.
Josh is asleep. I'm sure this can wait a few minutes.
No, no, baby, we might forget later.
Who goes?
Rock, paper, scissors!
Shit!
Mr. President, I'm entrusting you with my soon-to-be-naked wife.
Take care of her, the country.
My love to Barbara.
I'll be right back.
-Ben! -What?
I'll be right back!
Everything that's important in the world is in this bed right now.
I love you.
(PHONE RINGS)
BEN'S VOICE: You've reached the home of Jordan, Jordan, Jordan and Jordan.
Nary a Jordan is present now.
If you wanna leave a message for Katie, Ben, Josh or Erin...
... what better time than...
(MACHINE BEEPS)
Hi, it's me.
I'm just calling to see how the kids are doing.
See if you got any post cards from them.
Anything comes up, you can give me a call.
Bye-bye.
(PHONE RINGS)
-Hello? -Hi.
Hi.
Listen, I just got your message. I was in the shower when you called.
The kids seem to be doing really well.
I just put the post cards in an envelope.
You should be getting them tomorrow.
Good.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm okay. You okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
Okay.
Bye.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
It's me.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm good. Yeah, really good.
Good.
What's up?
Oh....
I was thinking about the upstairs bathroom, and I wanted to remind you...
... to schedule that guy to recaulk the tub.
I've already done it.
Oh.
Well.
Good.
Okay...
Then...
...bye.
Bye.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
I'm calling to see if you remember the name of that tree surgeon we used.
Joey Bishop.
Yeah, but no.
-But it was one of those Rat Pack guys. -Right.
Frank Sinatra?
Dean Martin?
Sammy Davis Jr.?
That's it! Joey Davis Jr.
Joey Davis Jr., the tree surgeon.
I can still see the sign on that blue truck of his.
Right. Okay, thanks.
Okay.
Bye.
Listen, your shirts came back from the cleaners.
Cool. I'll come by and get them.
I can drop them off.
It's fine. I'll be happy to come and get them.
What would be a good time?
I don't know....
Why don't you come over tomorrow? I'll be home by 7.
You can stay for dinner.
You sure?
No.
Okay.
See you tomorrow.
(HUMS)
(RINGS DOORBELL)
Hi.
You look like...
...like you.
You too.
I guess I could stand on the porch all night. I've seen the house.
How many times have we said, "We should use this porch more often"?
Come in. My house is literally your house.
Thank you.
-There's my dry cleaning. -Yeah, I left it out for you.
Good. I'll remember to take it with me.
Because I could put it in the closet, but I--
No, no.
That is perfect dry cleaning placement.
-You want a drink? -You want something--?
-Want some wine? -Yeah.
I think I remember where it is.
-If memory serves, you like red wine. -Right.
Yeah, it's all coming back to me.
Wine is breathing a lot better than I am.
So, hey....
You'll never believe what I did last night.
I attempted to do one of your crosswords.
-No. -Yes.
I have a question.
What was 3 down? Just couldn't get it.
Four letters, "Feeling of psychological discomfort."
Blah.
Cheers.
Was this always here?
No, I bought it last week.
Any other new appliances I should know about?
Well, as long as we're spilling our guts here...
...I also got this new garlic press.
The body's not even cold, and she's out buying garlic presses.
How do you think the kids are?
From the cards, it sounds like they're good.
I think Erin misses us, but she's okay.
Yeah. She seems okay.
You think she's okay?
I think she's okay.
Because I think she senses that we're not okay...
...and Parents' Weekend is coming.
We'll just have to give her...
...a lot of extra attention...
...and really love her up.
Yeah.
Should we eat?
Yeah, I could eat.
This is really good.
Thanks.
High/Low?
Sure.
Your high?
-Honestly? -Yeah.
Right now.
And your low?
Every minute of the last two weeks.
How about you?
My high would have to be the Cuisinart because I wanted it ever so badly.
And your low?
The garlic press. It's not nearly as handy as I thought it'd be.
I lay myself open, and you mock me with kitchenware.
All the while making me more attractive to you.
Is that your intention?
I'm not sure.
Well....
It's working.
It looks like I haven't been doing too much reading.
Okay, I'm ready. How about you?
-I.... -What?
Come on. Remember what Dr. Tischner said:
"If you had it once, you can always get it back."
Was that Dr. Tischner or was that Dr. Hopkins?
Hopkins?
The one with the sibilant "S."
Right.
Wrong. It was a lateral lisp.
Sex is simply a symbolic expression...
...of the emotional status of a relationship.
Sustained lack of sex is symptomatic of disassociation.
No, the one with the lateral lisp was Dr. Rifkin.
Dr. Hopkins was the one with the Rorschach birthmark on his forehead.
It looked like California. How could you pay attention to what he said?
This cycle of closeness, then estrangement...
...you've both told me about...
...what instigates it? First thing that comes to your mind.
-Sacramento. -Governor Gray Davis.
My personal favorite was the Freudian with the prostate problem.
When two people go to bed...
...there are actually six people in that bed.
If you'll excuse me.
Are we allowed to talk when he's gone?
I don't know.
What do you think?
To be on the safe side, maybe we better not.
The six people in bed are the two of you...
...and your parents and your parents.
Now, the key is....
Will you excuse me, please?
He charged us for the full session.
The man was peeing on our time!
DOT: All that therapy was a waste of time and money.
Where did all that therapy really get us?
It got us here, laughing about it.
-He's right. -Once it's broken, it can't be fixed.
-I don't know. -The queen has spoken.
-Maybe it's too soon. -What are you talking about?
The whole point of having a fight is playing "hide the salami" afterwards.
Let hard times bring you together. Nobody said it'd be easy.
Can't hard times bring us together? Nobody said it'd be easy.
Like the Andrews Sisters. After "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" ...
...before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree."
Big career slump there.
Like the Andrews Sisters before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree."
The Andrews Sisters?
They didn't stop because of a few flops.
They hung in there. The rest is history.
SINGS: Don 't sit under the apple tree
Why are you bringing up the Andrews Sisters now?
-You're singing! -It's an example.
They're in trouble, and you're singing?
Dot, put out once in a while. Your face won't be so tight.
Slut.
I don't know what their career slump has to do with our marital problems.
What should we do?
Make matters worse by dwelling on every little thing all our lives?
Is that what you think I do?
-You're a child. -I just dwell on everything?
You're a 72-year-old infant!
There are real problems that we haven't even begun to deal with.
Don't you think I know that? What happened to you?
What happened to that fun girl with the pith helmet?
You don't think I ask myself that every day?
You beat her out of me! There's no room here for her!
You think it's all fun and games.
So it's my fault you hang on to every little thing!
It's my fault you can't let go of anything!
It's my fault you turned into your mother?!
Fuck you!
-Katie, you-- -No.
-I still think that there's a chance-- -Ben, you love who we were.
You couldn't possibly love what we've become.
I think I spotted us at dinner tonight.
We can't stay together just because we...
...get a glimpse of "us" every once in a while.
It was less than 15 minutes ago.
All we proved is, if we're apart for weeks at a time...
...we might get through a dinner. That's not a marriage.
It's over.
A book about your grandmother?
Yeah. She was an extraordinary woman.
I'm sure she was. Did she fuck a President?
-No. -No. Did she discover uranium?
A cure for cancer? Nothing like that?
Why would anybody wanna read a book about her?
She was 4'9" . She emigrated from Europe as a little girl.
She worked in a sweatshop making buttonholes 14 hours a day and yet...
...raised five kids and stayed married to the same man for 57 years.
Dave, this will be the greatest love story ever told.
Let me explain something to you. Not as your agent.
This is as a friend.
Come here.
You see all these people?
They're getting into buildings. They're driving cars.
They're crossing the street. They're walking around.
Every single one of these people...
...is going to die someday...
...and they all know it.
Which is why...
...they regard the time they have on this planet as precious.
There are things that take up that time...
...even if they don't enjoy it. They have to go to work.
They have to get dressed, wait in lines...
...clean yards, get batteries.
They visit the eye doctor. They're doing all these things.
Now, add that to the time they spend sleeping and eating...
...and washing up and voting...
...and buying gifts for people they don't like, and you see...
...why they're so choosy about how they spend their leisure time.
You can understand why unless she went down on somebody...
...really interesting, they won't waste their valuable time...
...reading a book about your fucking grandmother!
So if I read you right, you don't like the idea.
It's not that.
You know, I find the Ariana much more fragrant than the Raphaela.
I'll keep that in mind.
-How you doing? -Fine.
I never got a chance to thank you for holding the camp bus.
Anytime you need a bus held, I am your guy.
-Erin's teeth are looking good. -Thanks to you.
I hope she remembers to wear her retainer.
You know how kids are at camp.
The minute my Kevin gets off that bus, it's "Goodbye, biteplate."
Is that for you?
When Deirdre and I divorced, I decided to learn how to cook.
The Wok-y World of Thai Cooking?
I'm branching out.
I'm taking a Thai cooking course this summer.
Really? I've always been interested in Asian cooking.
Really?
Why don't you join me?
KATIE: When I think about it...
...over the years there were less and less moments...
...in the course of the day...
...when Ben and I actually made real eye contact.
-You're not gonna believe-- -Shh!
-What? -He's almost asleep.
(BABY CRIES)
KATIE: Maybe it was the stuff of life.
Who 's taking Erin to school?
Who will pick up Josh from his clarinet lessons?
After a while, there was a disturbing comfort...
...in not having to deal with each other...
...because somehow you just get used to the disconnection.
Even at night, when we could finally come together, we faced forward.
Yeah, we were tired, but I think we were afraid...
... that if we faced each other, there'd be nothing there.
We're learning Mee Krob next week.
Mee Krob.
I'll let you know.
I'll call you. Oh, you call me.
BEN: When we drove to the camp for Parents ' Weekend...
...I was scared to face the kids.
You'd talk about it with a best friend. But Katie had been my best friend.
Now I didn 't know what we were, except Josh and Erin 's parents.
(BEN SIGHS)
What?
Nothing.
(KATIE SIGHS)
--is nothing?
This is not going to be easy.
The kids do not need to be burdened with our problems.
They have half a summer left.
Like my plan was to burden the kids with our problems.
Jesus Christ, will you give me some fucking credit?
ERIN: Mom! JOSH: Dad!
Hey!
BEN: I missed you.
I missed you so much.
I missed you both so much.
JOSH: Dad. Dad.
Dad, pull yourself together.
Dad, get off of me!
You guys both look terrific. Show us your bunks.
I wanna see your bunks too.
Did you get your favorite room? The Acorn Cabin?
Yeah, we did.
We got the Acorn Cabin.
God, I hate lying to them.
KATIE: Me too. We're not even good at it.
Even if we were good at it, they'd still know.
What is that?
What's what?
-The thing you just put in your mouth. -It's my biteplate.
-Biteplate? -Yeah. It's my biteplate.
-Why do you have a biteplate? -For my bite.
What's wrong with your bite?
It's askew.
Askew?
Yes, it's askew.
So this would be an attempt to de-skew it?
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
-You order room service? -No.
BEN: Erin.
Erin?
BEN: What's the matter? ERIN: Nothing. I'm okay.
Honey, are you okay?
I'm okay. I'm fine.
I couldn't sleep, so I snuck out after lights out.
I just wanted to sleep with you guys.
It's okay. I'll call the camp and let them know you're here.
Okay.
Why is the bed made up on the couch?
Daddy was doing a little reading, and I didn't wanna wake Mommy up.
BEN: Sometimes you just can 't climb out of the abyss.
I thought of last summer, when we still hoped...
... that if we put ourselves in some idyllic setting...
... we'd somehow get rid of all the tension...
...jump-start our marriage...
...and rediscover why we fell in love in the first place.
So last year, after Parents ' Weekend...
... we thought maybe in a trattoria in Venice...
...looking at a beautiful sunset, next to a bottle of Chianti...
... we just might find a set ofjumper cables.
How you doing? Two Italian ices, please.
Honey, you don't have to say Italian. We're here. They know.
So if I'm in Belgium, and I order a Belgian waffle, I just say waffle?
Like if you were in Ireland and you wanted Irish stew...
...you'd just say stew.
If you're in China and you want Chinese food...
...you say, "Bring on the food."
We couldn't help but overhear your delightful repartee.
We're the Kirbys from Cleveland. And you are...?
-The Mansons. -From Spawn Ranch.
(LAUGHING)
That's a good one.
Look, right there. The red cape.
I like that.
(IN ITALIAN)
Hey!
It's you...
...people.
-The Kirbys from Cleveland. -Joanie and Eddie.
How could we forget? We haven't stopped talking about you.
This is fate. We have to get together, break bread.
Sounds great. We're at the Hotel Pasta e Fagioli.
You call us. We're at the Europa Regina.
Great. We'll call you.